I Hate The Summer


Mitchell and Webb Have The Right Idea

July, the height of the summer and the month when we are closer to next Christmas than we are to the last one. For some, of a more cynical nature perhaps, being a long way from December may be seen as reason for celebration but for me it is the pits: it means that summer is pretty much in full swing. Flaming June has been and gone and flamed away for a change, Wimbledon has served up all its strawberries for another year, and kids and teachers up and down the country are counting the days until they break up for summer. It’s been boiling down here in Sussex by the sea…. and I hate it.There are a million reasons to dislike hot weather…

  1. Sunburn
  2. The requirement to take two or three showers a day to stay somewhere near presentable and sanitary
  3. Insect bites
  4. Overweight people wearing far too few clothes than is seemly
  5. Hay fever
  6. Lack of sleep because the nights are too hot
  7. Sweating
  8. Wasps
  9. The fact that everyone complains about the so-called bad weather for the rest of the year, then go on to complain about it when it’s so-called “good weather” too
  10. Lethargy
  11. Traffic Jams
  12. Heatstroke
  13. Phew, What a scorcher” newspaper headlines
  14. The TV is rubbish (Torchwood excluded)
  15. The hell that is the London Underground
  16. The fact that society, and by “society” I mean “you”, expect me to enjoy it
  17. Hosepipe bans
  18. The fact you can’t get any work done in August ‘cos everyone you rely on is on holiday
  19. Thunderbugs and midges
  20. Have you actually been to a pubic park or a beach on a hot day? The lowest form of human life congregates there with the sole purpose of annoying you.

I know that’s only 20 reasons and not a million but I could go on and I’m sure you get my drift. However, in the interest of balance, here is a list of reasons to enjoy the summer weather…

  1. Cricket

Did I mention the Ashes started today?

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